Step Into the Nexus · Stimulation is the Goal

The night before my surgery, I was a complete mess.  My mind was in a million places and I was pacing the floor like a maniac.  I could not focus on one thing for long.  The twins were driving me crazy and nothing seemed to be going right.  I just wanted a peaceful evening so I could relax and mentally prepare myself for the surgery.  When all of the children finally went to sleep, I should have been in bed right after them.  But nope.  I found all kinds of stuff to do instead of sleep.  I finished packing a suitcase for my hospital stay.  I annoyed my husband a bit.  I started cleaning the bedroom.  I walked around our bedroom aimlessly.

Finally, my husband told me to get my ass in the bed.  He didn’t say it in a mean way but he it was stern.  I chuckled a bit on the inside then jumped in the bed.  It took me a long while to go to sleep because I kept praying that everything would go well with the surgery.  I don’t think that I had been this scared about anything in a very long time.

The next morning, I was a completely different person.  I was not worried anymore about the surgery.  I knew that everything would be okay because I left it in the hands of God.  JT took the twins to school early that morning.  I didn’t want them at the hospital with us because they would do nothing but worry about me and cry when they would see me after surgery.  I thought to myself that I had put them through enough as of late.  Also, hospitals are recommending for children to not visit hospitals due to the flu season unless they absolutely have to.

We left the house to go to the hospital late… and yes this was my fault.  I should have woken up a little bit earlier.  Then when we got on 270 North, the traffic was horrible, due to the rain.  I tried to stay calm and not worry about being late to the hospital.  I could tell that JT was panicking (on the inside).  The hospital wanted us there at 7:30 and we arrived at 8:00.  Not that bad right?

Read the rest of this entry »

Technorati Tags: abdomen, diastasis recti, doctor, family, friends, God, hernia, hospital, incision, love, medicine, nurses, prayer, recovery, Staples, stitches, surgeon, surgery, umbilicial hernia, vicodin

I have no comment about this.

Just look…

Source: http://twitter.com/maryjblige/status/5687818820 and http://www.twitlonger.com/show/u6v0

Technorati Tags: celebrity, English, entertaiment, grammar, Mary J. Blige, spelling, twitter

…For me at least, and I would suspect many other people because some of them have been around for several decades. Just like after my first pregnancy with the twins, I have been watching soap operas non-stop. Not matter how silly the characters and scripts get I just can’t get enough. What the hell is wrong with me? I have been watching soap operas since I came out of my mother’s womb. I blame it all on her. She got me hooked on the ABC soaps… All My Children, One Life to Live and General Hospital. I never could get with that Ryan’s Hope and I guess other people couldn’t either because it ended in 1989.

When I was younger, the only other soap I watched (with my aunt) was Young & the Restless. I watched the ABC soaps with my mom and after I finished homework. She recorded them daily with her VCR. I remember having to teach her how to set the timer *giggles*

During high school, as the devil took over Marlena, my best friend got me hooked on Days of Our Lives. I resisted at first because in St. Louis, Days of Our Lives comes on at the same time as General Hospital. So during that summer, I slowly converted over to a Days fan and (kind of) never looked back. I still watch Days of Our Lives now, but I keep up with General Hospital through commercials and talking with my mom. Amazing how much you can keep up with a show from a 45 second commercial. Sonny is still in the mob, Jason is covering up a murder… yeah.

Read the rest of this entry »

Technorati Tags: ABC, All My Children, CBS, crack, Days of Our Lives, entertainment, General Hospital, NBC, New Jack City, One Life to Live, Pookie, Ryan's Hope, soap opera, television, Young & the Restless

As I mentioned in a post the other day, I’m going to have surgery on Monday morning. This will be a diastasis recti and umbilical hernia surgery. Diastasis recti is a separation of the rectus abdominis muscle into right and left halves and was caused by my pregnancy with the twins and worsened with my second pregnancy. I also have an umbilical hernia.

If I were not finished having children then I would only have the hernia surgery.  Otherwise I would risk the abdominal muscle splitting again with another pregnancy.  Well it did not take my husband and I long to decide that Alexander would be our last child.  Growing up, I always wanted 2 or 3 children and God has blessed me with 3.  I don’t think I was meant to bare more than 3 children.  In many ways this second pregnancy has been more difficult than when I carried twins.

So, yes… I decided to have both procedures done and thankfully they will be done at the same time.  I had Alexander by cesarean and as I recovered from this my hernia began to hurt again.  I refrained from lifting many things so I wouldn’t make the hernia worse.  As my six weeks approached, I quickly scheduled a date for surgery.  I had a consultation visit with my surgeon last Friday.  He marked up my abdomen with a Sharpie like a Nip Tuck episode.  When I came home, I had my husband take a picture so I could archive my before shot.  I’m too self-conscious about myself to post the picture.  Maybe I can be comfortable about this in the future, but not now.

I’m hoping for a few things out of this surgery.  Of course I’m looking for the obvious: removal of the hernia and a repaired rectus abdominis muscle.  I’m also hoping that I can be more comfortable with my body again.  For years, I thought that I had a pooch in my belly because I ate too much or I was too lazy with exercise.  This lowered my self-esteem and made me uncomfortable about myself in many ways.  I wear baggy clothes to had my stomach and I hate anything that shows too much skin (like a bathing suit).

Read the rest of this entry »

Technorati Tags: abdomen, Alexander, appointment, baby, diastasis recti, doctor, emotions, family, health, hernia, hospital, Keisha, surgery, twins, umbilicial hernia, William

Technorati Tags: honor, military, soldiers, United States, veterans, Veterans Day

On Wednesday, September 23, 2009 at 8:40 a.m. I was blessed to bring a wonderful baby boy into the world. His name is Alexander Richard and at birth he weighed 8 pounds 2 ounces and was 21.5 inches long.

I have not written on my blog in over 3 months and there are many reasons for that. I will not focus (too much) on excuses much but instead focus on writing regularly again.

I have been busy with the obvious… raising a newborn and healing mentally and physically myself.  I physically recovered well from my cesarean but I think where I messed up was having two teeth extracted nearly 3 weeks ago.  Mentally, I am still drained.  I had a great deal of pain from the teeth extraction and I am just now able to set the bottle of pain relievers aside.  I definitely should not have done this so close to having a baby.  And if that was not enough, I’m going to have hernia surgery this coming Monday.  I previously wrote about my umbilical hernia while I was pregnant.

Yes, I am definitely crazy.

Alexander has started to sleep all night long but unfortunately not every night.  During the day is when I really think I’m going to loose my mind as of late.  He has started to take little cat naps instead of a true nap (anything greater than 30-45 minutes).  Just when I think I have him asleep to go do important things like EAT, he wakes up.  “Nope Mama, I’m not sleep” and his eyes open wide as he looks at me for attention.  I’m nursing Alexander so I often wonder if his appetite is growing and causing him to be cranky and in turn not sleep long.  Then I dismiss this thought because his weight is just fine.  In fact, for his 1 month visit to the pediatrician, Alexander was at the 50th percentile for all stats: height, weight and head size.

I really should be sleeping at this moment because Alexander is sleep and I can’t count on him to sleep all night long.  On top of that, I took two benadryl because my throat started to feel scratchy and I need to immediately handle any possible cold or allergy symptoms.  I just had to get this post from my mind to the blog… and it feels good.  Good night.

Technorati Tags: Alexander, baby, doctor, family, health, hospital, life, love, newborn, parenting, personal, pregnancy

Congratulations to the American League (again *grunts under breath*). I wanted the National League to win of course. I am not certain about what the issue is, but one of the announcers feels that it has to do with the designated hitters.  Minus three points to Most Valuable Player Carl Crawford mispronouncing President Obama’s name.  What was that all about?

Throughout the game, I thought about my grandfather a lot. He would have loved to be at the game or would be glued the television from beginning to end. I miss Papa a lot and even more so at moments like this.

Our job let us off early today at 4pm because of anticipated traffic and blocked streets. I hope that the All Star Game generated a great deal of revenue for St. Louis businesses.

Despite the National League loss, I enjoyed the game. I also enjoyed the opening ceremony for the All Stars and when Stan Musial and President Obama came out. What was up with the camera man not getting a good view of the first pitch though? I thought it was pretty cool when President Obama joined the announcers in the booth.

No home field advantage for the National League this year, but hopefully that will not matter when the St. Louis Cardinals go to the World Series and beat whoever they play *smiles*.

Technorati Tags: All Star Game, baseball, entertainment, family, national, news, President Obama, sports, St. Louis, St. Louis Cardinals

Happy Independence Day United States of America.  This morning started off very gloomy with lots of rain and cloudy skies.  This fortunately allowed the entire family to sleep in late.  The twins woke up before me… I know because I heard them, but JT and I were able to sleep until 9:15 a.m. and I loved every moment of it.  I had some weird dreams near the end of my sleep, but nothing too disturbing.

Later in the day, we spent the evening with family, had some barbeque and watermelon.  I was surprised to see Keisha eat nearly two bowls of watermelon.  For some reason, William did not like it much.  He claimed to be full, but that is code for I do not want to eat this Mommy.

I would have enjoyed to go down to Fair St. Louis this weekend, but unfortunately it was only two days and as I mentioned it was rainy most of today.  I really wanted to dive into a plate of hot funnel cake and a cup of ice cold lemonade.  Maybe I can get a hold of some funnel cake elsewhere, but the problem is that not everyone makes good funnel cake.  I definitely do not want to drive out to Six Flags just get some funnel cake.  I cannot even ride any damn rides so there is no point in that trip.  What happened to the Fair being at least three days?  Very sad.

William and Keisha really wanted to pop firecrackers, but I had to tell them over and over again that they are just not old enough.  And maybe, just maybe I will let their father have that for them one day.  I much rather watch fireworks from afar with the professionals *sigh*

My husband and I are ending the holiday celebration with the blockbuster hit, Independence Day.  I remember how exciting this movie was to see in the theatre.  I hope that if a day like that in the movie ever goes down for real, that we have people like Will Smith, Jeff Goldblum and Randy Quaid to save the day.

Have a safe holiday.

Technorati Tags: barbeque, celebrate, children, Fair St. Louis, family, food, fun, Independence Day, Keisha, movies, pregnancy, St. Louis, William

After work today, I headed to the ice machine to load my cup with ice and water.  As I passed the breakroom, I saw Breaking News on CNN: Michael Jackson taking to UCLA after cardiac arrest.  I paused and wondered if he was okay and then I went on about my business.  Of course as I met JT in the car, I immediately told him the news.  Five minutes later as we arrive at daycare to pick up the twins, a radio personality announces that Michael Jackson is dead.  I screamed.  What the hell just happened?

I had to shake it off of me a bit so I could try and focus while picking up the children.  I called my mom first, asking her to turn on the news to verify this horrible news. I then called my best friend.  Mama called me back to say that Headline News and CNN did not report Michael Jackson as dead.  This is when the denial set in for me until later.  I kept hoping that this was not true.  There were conflicting reports everywhere.

Later, CNN finally confirmed that Michael Jackson died.  I was truly amazed to find out that he passed away much earlier than I originally thought.  He probably did in fact pass away when TMZ reported it first and later flooded to the radio and other mediums. Right after I left work.

I have truly been numb for a great deal of the evening.

Michael Jackson was a big part of my childhood.  I listened and (pretended to) dance to all of his music.  My husband is proably taking it worse than I am… and I am sure this really hit my brother and father hard.  I tried to call my father but he did not return my voicemail.  Still wondering about that one.

Thank you for the great music Michael Jackson and changing our lives.  My husband has declared karaoke night tomorrow as Michael Jackson night.

Rest In Peace King of Pop.  You will truly be missed.

Technorati Tags: Michael Jackson

I just bought two tickets for the midnight show of Transformers Revenge of the Fallen tomorrow. Actually it starts at 12:01 am on Wednesday, but yeah you know what I am talking about.  JT’s sister is going to pick up the twins from school and they will spend the night with her. I also have a doctor appointment tomorrow evening.  After the appointment, I hope to come home and take a nap before the movie.  Otherwise, no matter how good the movie is, I will fall asleep and this would be a major FAIL.

This will be the first midnight show of a movie that we have seen in a while. Before the twins were born, we used to do this all the time (for example: Star Wars, The Matrix, Spiderman… etc).

Now I am thinking about what food or candies to sneak into the theatre.  Or should I just eat before the show? *ponders*

Technorati Tags: appointment, doctor, family, fun, health, Keisha, movies, pregnancy, Transformers Revenge of the Fallen, twins, William