contemplating

For about four years, I have been an extreme pessimist when it comes to making New Year Resolutions. I decided to only set personal goals for myself instead of resolutions. Some goals are short-term (days, weeks and months) and others are long-term (months and years).

I will not make any New Years Resolutions for 2008 nor any other year.

Last years resolution was to go to the gym regularly and lose weight. I failed miserably and felt really bad about it. No more.

Now, I figure that if it happens, it will happen when I am ready for it to happen. Just like the new job. Previous years, I did a whole lot of talking about getting a new job, but no action. In July, I became determined and focused to search for a new job. My current (and soon to be ex-job on January 4, 2008) position is hell. I put a lot of hours into working on my KSAs (Knowledge, Skills and Abilities for the resume impaired) for a new position. I wanted to make sure that another agency would look at my paperwork and say, damn this is good. I want her on our team.

I do not know why, but for some reason when people find out that you got a new job, a common question is: How did you get that job? Or how did you do it? When you first hear that question, you just want to give that person a blank stare, what do you mean exactly? I am not quite sure of what they want to hear. That I slept with the manager and got an interview the next day? I stole your friend's resume and put my name on it? Well no, I did not do that.
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Many people make a big deal about not being labeled. And yet, we all are, constantly.

1. Pick one label that you think does describe you (race, religion, hobby, etc.).

Researcher. I do a lot of research at my job and at home and I am damn good at what I do. And the most important label that describes me: Mother.

2. Pick one label that is often put on you, that you really think is inaccurate.

Stuck up. People at work think this of me until they get to know me.

3. Pick one label you wish could be put on you.

Wife.

4. What is one kind of label that you think is universally wrong to use (race, gender, height)?

Racist labels and derogatory labels about the disabled.

5. Labels, used intelligently, can be a convenient rhetorical shorthand for identifying how a given person will fit into (or react to) a given situation. Labels, used incorrectly, can be an excuse for dismissing the differences still inherent in the people to whom the label is applied. Discuss.

Huh?

http://www.livejournal.com/community/thefridayfive/1466.html

Do you ever feel like you are living an episode of the Twilight Zone?

Work was tolerable. I am still in training, so that is by default better than the normal daily duties. On the other hand, training itself was completely exhausting today. I struggled staying focus this afternoon. No word on if eating left over Red Lobster during lunch factored in on my ability to stay focused.

This evening was crazy. I feel like I was the only sane one of the bunch... meanwhile JT, William and Keisha were acting like very weird. More weird than normal.

After it was all said and done, I was able to find out the cause of what brought me into the Zone. Be that as it may, only time will tell if there is resolution.

In other news, I hear that the Administration (code for Bush) will let us off on Christmas Eve. Political move or not, I am thankful for this decision. Since I am in training, I do not have access to my work email, so I did not see the actual memorandum. I picked up the information from a reliable source though, so I feel pretty confident that this is true.

Local meteorologists predicted bad weather heading our way. Does not appear that enough will come tonight to be called off from work tomorrow. Ugh.

Last but not least, JT told me that one of his cousins and her boyfriend were in an accident today. A truck hit them. All I know is that she (cousin) is not hurt, but her boyfriend was seriously injured. I do not know if he is critical or stable condition. I also know that her baby was not in the car. Thank goodness for that. I do not know any other details. My thoughts and prayers are with them.

Do you ever have so much going on in your personal and work life that when you sit down and try to blog... nothing clearly comes to mind?

My thoughts have been a bit cluttered over the last week.

Crap at work. There is nothing really knew in itself about that, but it continues to bother me. I have made a decision to stick things out the term is up next fall or I move on to better things. If I resign now then there is no positive outcome from this. Not resign from my job, but resign from my other elected duties.

Stuff at home. Working on better communication has been an on-going effort for a large part of our relationship. I definitely think things are better for us now, than this time 3 years ago... and even a year and a half ago. Still feels like an uphill journey... a journey that I am willing to continue.

Finances. Well, shit not much to say there. I believe that JT and I have the same long-term goals. Just a struggle getting there. The holiday season brings us all together, but definitely puts a strain on the wallets. We need to continue to cutback on unnecessary expenses. For example, JT mentioned us considering Vonage where the plan is $24.95 a month. Sounds fine and dandy until I need to figure out what to do with our existing Charter plan which includes not only phone, but also internet and cable television. Perhaps Charter has a reasonable plan with only cable television and high-speed internet.

Me. I am a complicated individual. JT told me the other day that my goal is to not be understood. I really do not agree, but it did make me sit back and ponder about why he feels that way. I have not come to any conclusions.

Well, I started this post being a little speechless, but it turned out that I had more to say than I thought.

I know that this week is going to be challenging. I have some hectic things going on at work and at home.

I am trying to make a commitment to work on being positive and... especially since this week is Thanksgiving, focus on what I am thankful for.

Today, I want to tell you that I am thankful for all of my friends. Particularly today (Sunday), I want to thank my best friend and a good friend many miles away from me. They saw that I was down and out today and they were there for me to cheer me up. They did not judge me. They cared for me, hugged me, made jokes with me and in so many words told me that everything is going to be okay.

My friends are so important to me and sometimes it feels like I am not always there for them as much as they are there for me. I hope that during our lifetimes that I can be a wonderful friend to you like you have been to me. Thank you also to my other dear friends.

I love you.

My friend, Eaglehawk tagged me today with a touching post. Thank you for sharing Eaglehawk.

When asked, what are five things I want my children to know, I have to set back and think. Being a mother is the greatest gift that God has given me next to life itself. So I can not just give five things off the tip of my tongue.

What would I tell my dearest Keisha and William?

1. Love God and yourself first. If you do not, it is nearly impossible to truly love anyone else.

2. Family is important. Cherish your time together. Your twin bond is strong... be there for each other no matter what.

3. No secrets. We all mess up in life, but I want you to know that you can come to me about anything. I may be upset, but I promise to not judge you. I am there for you to listen, help, comfort and love. I love you unconditionally. Secrets are destructive.

4. Knowledge is power.

5. Get involved in group activities (and like Eaglehawk told his daughter, the political process). Make your voice be known to make positive changes in the world.

The meme challenge is… Those tagged will share 5 Things You Want Your Kids To Know “Before They Grow Up.” Those tagged will tag 5 people. Leave a link to your meme in the comments section of http://fireball.lifewithchrist.org/permalink/34540.html so everyone can keep track of what’s being posted.

So let the sharing of wisdom and tagging begin!you don’t have to have children yet to participate.

I am tagging:

1. Guppyman: http://his.guppystorm.com/

2. Perri: http://perrinelson.com/

3. Calvin: http://www.killacal.net/

4. Paula Neal Mooney: http://paulamooney.blogspot.com/

5. Jeff: http://www.writestateofmind.net/

I look forward to reading your posts.

What is...

1. One place you volunteer (or would like to)?

I would like to volunteer to work for a United Nations Ambassador. Since it is one of my dream jobs and on the list of goals, what better way to learn than to be a volunteer or intern?

2. One book you'd like to see made into a movie?

Any book written by R.A. Salvotore with Drizzt Do'Urden as the main character.

3. One creature (living, extinct, or mythical) you'd like for a pet?

The dragon-like creature, named Falkor, from The Never Ending Story. He is kind of big though so I am not sure where I would put him.

4. One place on Earth you'd like to visit?

Egypt. I am connected to Africa, particularly Egypt (do not ask me to explain that now) and I hope to travel there one day.

5. One talent or skill you'd like to develop?

I would love to start playing the violin (again) and learn to play the piano.

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William and Keisha's aunt Tee Tee (JT's sister) picked them up from day care this afternoon to spend time with them. What's funny? Well, that I complain about not having enough time to myself... almost always preoccupied with the twins, yet when someone does pick them up and give me some quality time for just me or JT and I... I sit around looking silly, wondering when are my children coming home.

*Stares at the clock*

Five minutes later...

I wonder when my children will be home. I miss them.

I am having a pretty difficult day. I received some bad news, that I may write about tonight or later.

But in the meantime, JT is being supportive and having that support from your signficant other always helps. I came up to my room to have some alone time. Keisha came upstairs shortly after me. I kind of sighed to myself because I wanted my alone time, but I still let her come in my room. She was playing with my hair then she said, "Mama, you make me happy."

Well there you go folks, that is Reason Number 397 of why I love being a mother.

I had to scoop up my heart from my bed because it simply melted everywhere from that one.

I guess I can put off my alone time for a bit.

I should have went with my first instinct and said no. Recently, someone volunteered me for not just one, but two responsibilities in a group. She basically called me out in front of everyone and said, "Rashaan can do it." Damnit. Damnit. Damnit. I felt that I had no other choice but to say yes. And that I did. It's not that I can't do it... the problem is that I do not want to do it. My mind is so preoccupied as of late and I am getting forgetful again.

I think that this was the first time that someone ever volunteered me for an activity. And it will not happen again.

I am waiting to hear some news this week. I really really really hope to receive a call that I am waiting on.

We went to the library this evening and it was not fun at all. First of all, the weather was gloomy with a light drizzle. Second, many people were gathering for an event. The cast from Ghost Hunters were having a presentation in the public library main hall. I had never seen so many people gather in the library. We did not go see the Ghost Hunters. Our family went on to our regular itinerary... or at least we tried to. All of us seemed very moody, maybe from the weather or from having a long day at work and school. Plus JT and I have a lot of things on our mind these days. Other than picking up two Robert Jordan books, the weekly library experience was uneventful for me.

Other than that, I am fighting a cold. You know how you feel it coming and your body is fighting hard against it, trying not to give in. My colds usually start with a sore throat, then nasal congestion followed by coughing. I am trying to fight it off with vitamins (I bought a new pack of Womens One a Day) and Green Tea (gotta love those antioxidants). It does not help that I have a meeting tomorrow morning and a potluck at work. Ugh. I feel like crap.