work

Today I found out that an ex-coworker of mine passed away. She was not very old... maybe late forties. We were in the same group... at the job that I just left eleven days ago. What was shocking for me is that I also found out that she had sickle cell disease. I wish I would have known that to had an opportunity to bond with someone or share knowledge and experiences. I do not know if she died from complications from the disease. Needless to say, William immediately came to mind. I am feeling very sad.

My thoughts and prayers go to her family and friends. I believe that she has two young sons. I will keep you in my prayers.

I also always pray for a cure for sickle cell disease.

So many thoughts in my mind, but I feel like a wreck.

Rest in Peace D.

I am truly thankful and blessed to be at a new job. I started this Monday and I have absolutely no regrets. There are only two people that miss me... maybe three. Other than that, I know no one will remember in the long run. Rashaan who? I guess the closest they may come is by saying, what happen to the mother of twins? There is this one kind gentleman that always called me that. For the longest he did not remember my name but he knew me as the mother of twins.

Training for my new job is six weeks but I am excited to do my job and do it well. Over the next few years, I am looking forward to many opportunities to advance in the workplace, unlike my previous position.

I had a weird dream last night. Well, are any of my dreams normal? *thinks* I do not think so... anyway, in this dream, I was dying I was scared to death and I remember the fear. My teeth were falling out one by one and my hair was coming out in clumps. I do not know what the hell caused this in my dream. Was I exposed to radiation? I could not figure out the cause in the dream. I kept asking people to take me to the emergency room but no one did and I kept getting distracted.

Ironically, JT also had a dream that he died... but someone killed him in his.

I did a little dream interpretation search before getting ready for work and it appears that dying in your dreams can be a sign of (positive) change. I place positive in parenthesis because some sources say only change and others say positive change.

I would like to believe that the dream represents a positive change heading in my life. How? I have no clue, but I can still be hopeful.

Week 253

Say ... and I think ... ?

1. Master:: He-Man... Master of the Universe. Remember that cartoon?

2. Tour :: My current tour of duty at my job is 8:15 - 4:45, Monday through Friday.

3. Input :: I provide a lot of feedback and input in group meetings... sometimes too much.

4. Downtown :: Seems like the powers that be are working on getting Downtown St. Louis back together, with reconstruction of lofts, construction of new homes, but I do not see many positive things in the job market.

5. Pricey :: Food is very pricey in the grocery store these days. Particularly, a gallon of of milk ($4.00 at Family Dollar, but only slightly over $3.00 at Walmart), cheese, eggs and meat (poultry and beef). If I could afford organic foods on a regular basis, I would buy them... but they are even more costly than the regular hormone-stuffed foods.

6. Acceptable :: Do you keep up with your job's acceptable quality level?

7. Terrace :: Here is a terrace with a beautiful view in Switzerland.

8. Sunday :: I love Sundays because I am off from work... but hate Sunday nights because I am that much closer to going to work on Monday.

9. Payoff :: I really wish that I could payoff my student loans.

10. Jack and Jill :: went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown, and Jill came tumbling after.

http://subliminal.lunanina.com/um/ind/week_253/

Do you ever feel like you are living an episode of the Twilight Zone?

Work was tolerable. I am still in training, so that is by default better than the normal daily duties. On the other hand, training itself was completely exhausting today. I struggled staying focus this afternoon. No word on if eating left over Red Lobster during lunch factored in on my ability to stay focused.

This evening was crazy. I feel like I was the only sane one of the bunch... meanwhile JT, William and Keisha were acting like very weird. More weird than normal.

After it was all said and done, I was able to find out the cause of what brought me into the Zone. Be that as it may, only time will tell if there is resolution.

In other news, I hear that the Administration (code for Bush) will let us off on Christmas Eve. Political move or not, I am thankful for this decision. Since I am in training, I do not have access to my work email, so I did not see the actual memorandum. I picked up the information from a reliable source though, so I feel pretty confident that this is true.

Local meteorologists predicted bad weather heading our way. Does not appear that enough will come tonight to be called off from work tomorrow. Ugh.

Last but not least, JT told me that one of his cousins and her boyfriend were in an accident today. A truck hit them. All I know is that she (cousin) is not hurt, but her boyfriend was seriously injured. I do not know if he is critical or stable condition. I also know that her baby was not in the car. Thank goodness for that. I do not know any other details. My thoughts and prayers are with them.

I am so proud of William... while we were out for dinner, I asked William to write his name with the crayon. He hesitated then paused. I then asked him to write the letter his name starts with. He wrote a perfect W. I yelled and screamed with excitement. I bet all of the customers wondered what was wrong with the crazy ass mother.

I could care less because my son was writing his name for the first time.

Then William drew an IL. Three letters down son... you are almost there.

I am so proud of you William.

I had a beautiful day, but I cannot share the news just yet. Let the suspense begin...

Do you ever have so much going on in your personal and work life that when you sit down and try to blog... nothing clearly comes to mind?

My thoughts have been a bit cluttered over the last week.

Crap at work. There is nothing really knew in itself about that, but it continues to bother me. I have made a decision to stick things out the term is up next fall or I move on to better things. If I resign now then there is no positive outcome from this. Not resign from my job, but resign from my other elected duties.

Stuff at home. Working on better communication has been an on-going effort for a large part of our relationship. I definitely think things are better for us now, than this time 3 years ago... and even a year and a half ago. Still feels like an uphill journey... a journey that I am willing to continue.

Finances. Well, shit not much to say there. I believe that JT and I have the same long-term goals. Just a struggle getting there. The holiday season brings us all together, but definitely puts a strain on the wallets. We need to continue to cutback on unnecessary expenses. For example, JT mentioned us considering Vonage where the plan is $24.95 a month. Sounds fine and dandy until I need to figure out what to do with our existing Charter plan which includes not only phone, but also internet and cable television. Perhaps Charter has a reasonable plan with only cable television and high-speed internet.

Me. I am a complicated individual. JT told me the other day that my goal is to not be understood. I really do not agree, but it did make me sit back and ponder about why he feels that way. I have not come to any conclusions.

Well, I started this post being a little speechless, but it turned out that I had more to say than I thought.

I should have went with my first instinct and said no. Recently, someone volunteered me for not just one, but two responsibilities in a group. She basically called me out in front of everyone and said, "Rashaan can do it." Damnit. Damnit. Damnit. I felt that I had no other choice but to say yes. And that I did. It's not that I can't do it... the problem is that I do not want to do it. My mind is so preoccupied as of late and I am getting forgetful again.

I think that this was the first time that someone ever volunteered me for an activity. And it will not happen again.

I am waiting to hear some news this week. I really really really hope to receive a call that I am waiting on.

We went to the library this evening and it was not fun at all. First of all, the weather was gloomy with a light drizzle. Second, many people were gathering for an event. The cast from Ghost Hunters were having a presentation in the public library main hall. I had never seen so many people gather in the library. We did not go see the Ghost Hunters. Our family went on to our regular itinerary... or at least we tried to. All of us seemed very moody, maybe from the weather or from having a long day at work and school. Plus JT and I have a lot of things on our mind these days. Other than picking up two Robert Jordan books, the weekly library experience was uneventful for me.

Other than that, I am fighting a cold. You know how you feel it coming and your body is fighting hard against it, trying not to give in. My colds usually start with a sore throat, then nasal congestion followed by coughing. I am trying to fight it off with vitamins (I bought a new pack of Womens One a Day) and Green Tea (gotta love those antioxidants). It does not help that I have a meeting tomorrow morning and a potluck at work. Ugh. I feel like crap.

Borrowing money from your friends or even a close family member is not fun at all. When you borrow money you have to first deal with the burden of asking. You may be fortunate to have people in your life that do not actually mind letting you borrow money, but unless your friend is wealthy, many of us do not just have cash laying around to let people borrow at will.

Have you ever borrowed money from a third party and there was too much hassle involved? Did they run a credit check and your credit was a bit iffy? Or perhaps you are interested in getting a loan or a cash advance without a credit check to reduce the risks of identity theft. Maybe an emergency came up and you need a payday loan for just a few days until you get paid. Sometimes we need to borrow money without getting the third degree from the other person about why we need the money.

If any of these situations apply to you, then you should consider going to CashAdvance1500.com. This website provides options of getting emergency cash to your checking account safely and securely. By going to this site for a cash advance or payday loan, you will not have to wait in store for a long time to get assistance like you would at bank or another third party lender. Loan approval is based on factors such as employment status, minimum income and an active checking or savings account.

The holiday season is coming up... do you need to buy your loved one a gift? Prices of utilities (gas and electric) are rising across the nation. Your bill is due next Friday but you did not get paid until Monday. Check out CashAdvance1500.com to get a cash advance or payday loan today.

Is it Friday yet? I had a meeting scheduled after work but I was unable to stay because all day long I had a tight feeling in my chest. Yes, the asthma was flaring up again. I took puffs from the inhaler, but nothing seemed to help. I would rate this feeling somewhere between mild and medium. I could still talk on the phone but I would cough throughout the conversations (mic placed on mute of course) and have to take extra breaths. Even now, I am still coughing so I will definitely take two puffs before I head to bed.

I feel like if I can eliminate a lot of stress in my life then I can get control of the asthma and not let asthma have control over me. My doctor told me yesterday that anxiety attacks can trigger asthma attacks and also the reverse is possible. At first it almost seems like a lose-lose scenario, but I do not think so. Also, I have been making mental notes of what I eat to rule out food triggers. I really should start writing them down though. Between working full-time and taking care of the twins, my memory is not always at its best.

The name of the inhaler that my primary care physician gave me last week is MaxAir Autohaler (pirbuterol acetate inhalation aerosol). It is different from what I am taking now, ProAir HFA (albuterol sulfate), but he said that it will get the job done. I hope so. I still have albuterol sulfate left, so we shall see...

This past Friday at work was fairly smooth all the way up to the end of my day. I had a disagreement with someone and to protect the evil, I will refrain from details. The only good that came out of this disagreement is that it confirms what I already suspected about my job and this particular person. She is crazy.

Thank goodness for the three day holiday weekend, because I really need it. Adam directed me to one of those blog surveys and according to the survey, I am 82% burned out. This is nothing but the truth. In the past few months... hell maybe even year, I am consistently tired, easily aggravated and very resentful about my job. Even when I sleep more than 7 hours in a night, I am still tired. I feel that all of the good that I do at my job is not appreciated.

The difference between me now and a year ago, is that now I am doing something about it. Not just the grievance process... I will never forget about my rights. Something more than that because it is time for a change in my life. Time for me to be happy and get the fulfillment that I deserve in a career.

I am tired of all of you liars and backstabbers. Remember that you reep what you sow.