It was hard enough to find one good man in a pile of ignorant, don’t-wanna-commit, immature, knuckleheads. Compare this to finding a needle in a haystack, multiplied times 11.7849. Why didn’t Mama and Dot tell me that keeping a GOOD relationship together is going to be difficult? I swear they never told me this. Did I tune them out in the midst of zoning out? Nah, I don’t think I did. I recall a whole lot of talking about how and relationship can fall apart. Plenty of that. From about age 14, after Papa died, through age 21, I had such a strong hate for men that I had no desire to get married. In between those ages, I did have the first love in my life, but you know I was here and he was hundreds of miles away so I knew that was destined to not work out. Then I met another man who became a really close friend, but just didn’t feel that we had enough for a commitment. Amongst that were plenty of men who are/were intimidated by the combination of beauty and intelligence.

When I turned 21, I began to think that it was possible that men weren’t so bad after all. I was a junior in college at the time and outside of class in my own apartment I had a lot of “me time.” I thought a lot about why he (read above) didn’t want to commit and there must be someone out there that I was meant to be with. I don’t want to grow up having a baby daddy. I want a husband. Natasha and I talked about this at work during lunch on Friday. She and I have higher standards for ourselves.

Sunday, June 3, 2001 I met my soul mate. I won Cardinals tickets at my job, went to the game with some co-workers and ended up meeting my soul mate at a baseball game. How was it so simple? I often think this now. JT and I have been together almost a year and a half now.

I would have to say that two-way communication is the most difficult thing in a relationship. At times it is so hard to convey a relationship to your significant other when he/she already has it set in his/her mind that they are right. Listening is a sub-category but a major part of communication. I would have to say that my listening skills are superbly above average. I have done nothing all my life but listen to other people. Not that I don’t like listening, but that’s what I’ve done all my life and I feel that I deserve to be listened to as well.

Why does it seem like throughout a relationship you develop this unwritten rule book that only applies to one partner? The female may have her own that applies to her significant other but not to herself and vice-verse. For example, I might say that my man can’t go out with his friends late at night but I turn around and want to go out with my girls every weekend. See, that is a problem. The unwritten rule book should apply to both parties at hand right?

*sigh*

This is all I have to say for now…

Technorati Tags: contemplating, emotions, life, personal, relationships