As I mentioned in a post the other day, I’m going to have surgery on Monday morning. This will be a diastasis recti and umbilical hernia surgery. Diastasis recti is a separation of the rectus abdominis muscle into right and left halves and was caused by my pregnancy with the twins and worsened with my second pregnancy. I also have an umbilical hernia.

If I were not finished having children then I would only have the hernia surgery.  Otherwise I would risk the abdominal muscle splitting again with another pregnancy.  Well it did not take my husband and I long to decide that Alexander would be our last child.  Growing up, I always wanted 2 or 3 children and God has blessed me with 3.  I don’t think I was meant to bare more than 3 children.  In many ways this second pregnancy has been more difficult than when I carried twins.

So, yes… I decided to have both procedures done and thankfully they will be done at the same time.  I had Alexander by cesarean and as I recovered from this my hernia began to hurt again.  I refrained from lifting many things so I wouldn’t make the hernia worse.  As my six weeks approached, I quickly scheduled a date for surgery.  I had a consultation visit with my surgeon last Friday.  He marked up my abdomen with a Sharpie like a Nip Tuck episode.  When I came home, I had my husband take a picture so I could archive my before shot.  I’m too self-conscious about myself to post the picture.  Maybe I can be comfortable about this in the future, but not now.

I’m hoping for a few things out of this surgery.  Of course I’m looking for the obvious: removal of the hernia and a repaired rectus abdominis muscle.  I’m also hoping that I can be more comfortable with my body again.  For years, I thought that I had a pooch in my belly because I ate too much or I was too lazy with exercise.  This lowered my self-esteem and made me uncomfortable about myself in many ways.  I wear baggy clothes to had my stomach and I hate anything that shows too much skin (like a bathing suit).

Now I’m not saying that the surgery will solve everything because I’ve had some mental healing over the years too.  But the physical repair is a big piece of the puzzle.  I have a strong feeling that this will lead to some positive things for myself and in turn my relationship with my husband.

During the consultation last Friday, I discovered that the surgeon will make a vertical incision and after making the internal repairs, excess skin will be removed and I will no longer have my linea nigra as well as my belly button.  I tried to Google images of  a stomach with no belly button. I found one model that does not have one but I’m not quite sure that my abdomen will look like that.  When I told the twins that Mommy would no longer have a belly button, William gave me a worried look.  He later asked if it would grow back.  I calmly replied that it would not, but no worries… Mama will be just fine without a belly button.

I’m a little scared about the surgery sometimes.  I do wonder though if the fear is about the surgery itself or post surgery fear.  Could be a little of both.

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