I am protesting this week’s Friday Five. The questions are often way too repetitive. Instead I shall post this forward that I received from San. It really got my mind going this morning. Whether you are in a relationship or not read this, sit back and think hard about the following:

Soulful Relationship by Reverend Ronald McFadden

If you’re not married yet, share this with a friend. If you are married, share it with your spouse or other married couples… and reflect on it. An African proverb states, “Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye.”

Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don’t let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low-self esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don’t fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren’t really that important.

Once you decide to commit to someone, over time their flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious. If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you’ve got to learn how to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you.

You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life together. Neither of you is perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare, and control?

What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can’t take someone to the altar to alter him or her. You can’t make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and “a life,” you won’t find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship.

Seeking status, sex, wealth and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship. What keeps a relationship strong? Communications, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor, sharing household tasks, some getaway time without business or children and daily exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note). Leave a nice message on their voicemail or send a nice email. Sharing common goals and interests. Growth is important. Grow together, not away from each other, giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interest. You can’t always be together. Give each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment. Don’t try to control one another. Learn each other’s family situation. Respect his or her parents regardless. Don’t put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember, for Richer or for Poorer. If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain replace the passion. “Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than you think.” The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of God stands forever. Isaiah 40:8 Shall we make a new rule of life from tonight:

Always to try to be a little kinder than is necessary. “The difference between ‘United’ and ‘Untied’ is where you put the “I”.

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