Lately when I’m feeling down, it feels like my children are the only people that can pick me up. At work, when I’m on the phone with an ignorant customer, I sit and stare at a picture of the twins… They ease my frustration and I tune out whatever negative comments are blasting in my ears. When I’m down and out at home, all I have to do is glance over at them and they put a smile on my face. Their smiles are the greatest. I’m sure every parent says that about their children too heh… But really, their smiles bring warmth to my soul. I could never have imagined that two small beings could bring me so much joy.

And despite this, then I struggle with the feeling… why I even sit here sad and distraught, while my two greatest achievements lay asleep in the nursery? This should be a time of endless celebration and joy. Not sulking at things that go wrong and crying over events out of my control.

I look forward to the day when I can set back and look at these posts and say damn what the fuck was Rashaan thinking? Was she crazy… she was really just blowing things out of proportion.

But you know what… immediately after that thought, I think… when I feel like how I feel now, I don’t even think that day will ever come. You see that I’m not optimistic these days.

In the meantime, I shall cherish the cooing of William and Keisha, William doing that tongue thing, Keisha doing that turning her head to the side when she is hungry thing, William doing that turning his head from left to right like Mama thing and Keisha doing that sucking in the bottom of her lip in thing.

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