Patience is a Virtue
Monday, July 21st, 2003 at 3:07 pm · 12 views
The older I get, the more I realize that I am not a very patient woman. I am a difficult and demanding person. If things do not go my way, I am quick to interrogate. On the other hand, I might hold my feelings in, but you will see the impatience and frustration in my face. This has become worse with age.
Why is that?
Maybe part of me got tired of unfulfilled promises. Daddy talking about he is going to take us to Six
Flags, he is going to take us to Birmingham and Memphis to see our cousins, he is going to buy me a car when I turn 16, oops well things weren’t right
then…so he is going to buy me a car [insert date here]. All that shit got old with the quickness.
And it is not even about being spoiled. JT says I am spoiled, but I beg to differ. Why would a parent (or anyone else) consistently make promises to someone and not fulfill them? I just cannot find the logic in such actions. I made a promise TO MYSELF to not do this to my future children. All of those dead end promises really lowers my expectations in that person.
The unfortunate thing is that I now apply this to other aspects of my life. If someone makes sure to me that they are going to do something and they don’t, the fury rises within.
“Rashaan, we’re going to the movies this Friday.”
“Mmmmhmmm, yeah ok.”
This is only one example, but I often give those dull, nonchalant responses in similar situations because I hate getting disappointed. Things often come up or people forget. I rarely get surprised about an event until the day of or when I am there. Even before my trip to New York, I was not really excited until that night and even more so that morning. I often place my mind in a pessimistic zone where I expect for things to go wrong and to be disappointed. I subconsciously apply everything that happen to me as a child to my adult life.
My patience wears thin when things go wrong.
I also cannot tolerate ignorance in any form. At home, work, in public…WHEREVER.
How can I get over this?
Perhaps it is not that bad, because I am able to sit her and reflect openly about my problem.
I am not totally in denial.
Or maybe not.
