Step Into the Nexus · Stimulation is the Goal

Ok so why was this crusty Chef Boyardee wannabe talking to me on the bus today like he really knew me. I had a long day at work so I was so not in the mood for any type of conversation. I walked onto the funky ass bus looking for a seat and I had to sit next to a raggedy looking man who didn’t really want to let me by even after I nicely asked to sit there. I got ready for my beat down look, but he ended up letting me by. I sat behind Crusty Boyardee, but I didn’t notice him at the time. I was minding my business listening to 107.7FM with my Titanium headphones.

Anyway, I took a deep breath, relieved that I had a seat at all and exhaled. I start jamming to my music and Crusty Boyardee says something. Now, I mentioned I had my headphones on, but I am notoriously known for selective hearing anyway… He mumbled something about seeing me somewhere before. I smiled and nodded. Ok it’s possible that he has seen me, public transportation everyday, downtown, lots of people yeah it’s possible. And I often have tunnel vision on the bus, I mind my own damn business, BUT I am still aware of my surroundings. I lift my earphones away from my ear and say, “huh?” Crusty Boyardee repeats whatever he said, but it still didn’t make sense lol. From the way he was looking I’m guessing he was complimenting my looks, I don’t know and don’t care. He asked what I was listening to and I told him. By this time, I released a big sigh and a look of frustration. “I’ll let you get back to your music,” says Crusty. I nod and mentally thank God for shutting his ass up. All the funk on the bus is starting to get to me a poisonous substance and I started to drift away to lala land.

“Excuse me,” I hear in the back of my mind, or so I thought it was in my mind. “Excuse me.” I open my eyes and Crust Boyardee is staring me down my throat! I really started to go off, interrupting my sleep and all, but I couldn’t because I was so weak from the funk like it was my kryptonite. A lot of what he was saying I tuned out because he was making no sense at all. I kept thinking why he doesn’t put some lotion on his hands and he cooks food with those crusty hands? He told me I was so beautiful that I could make a man carry 30lbs of clothes several miles.. what the.. I almost busted out laughing in his crusty face. Dear lawd, please let his stop be next. Nope, it wasn’t that easy. He kept talking and talking and meanwhile I thought I was gonna blow chunks because the funk kept rolling on by. Crusty then says, “why you looking at me like I’m crazy?” I said, “because you talking to me like you know me!” “I just wanted you to know that you are…….”

Then I completely tuned him out.

When he got off the bus, I gave all praises to God.

What a bus ride.

And my stomach STILL is messed up from the funk.

UGH.