Well it has been a long while since I have posted here and I do apologize for that. I have gone through a great deal since I wrote in December. At the end of January I became very sick. I wondered if it was the flu, but I did not have flu symptoms.

Two days before my birthday on January 25, I asked my husband to get me something from Walgreens. A pregnancy test. I was scared but I knew I had to take it. Sick as hell, I strolled into my bathroom and urinated on the stick. The results appeared almost instantly. I was in shock. I kept looking at the stick. I somehow shook myself out of shock and called… well more like yelled for my husband.

I told him I was pregnant and he stared for while. Seemed like several minutes but it probably was not that long. We then had a serious conversation. My husband did not ask but I gave a look that the only thing I knew for certain was that abortion is out of the equation.

So here I am now, in my twentieth week of pregnancy.

I have had many feelings about this pregnancy: fear, excitement, love, joy… and it all sums up to me feeling that this baby is meant to be here. After I had the twins in 2004, I lost so much blood that I nearly lost my uterus and could have died. Thankfully with God, the hands and mind of a great doctor and the prayers and love of my family and friends, I survived… and so did my uterus.

That experience was traumatizing for me and in retrospect, I know that it contributed to my postpartum depression. Every now and then I still get tearful when I think about this, but now the internal feeling is joyful instead of depressing. I am truly thankful that I lived through the surgery to be able to see and raise my children with my husband.

Fast forward back to present… five years later.

Last week, my husband and I found out that this little life inside of my is a little boy. He looks just like William did when we saw the ultrasounds five years ago.

I am concerned still… I pray that my little one inside is a healthy baby. William has Sickle Cell Disease which is a genetic disorder. There is a 25% chance that my baby will have the disease, 50% chance that my baby will have the trait and 25% chance that my baby will have neither the trait or disease. I do not worry about it because it is in the hands of God, but the concern is there.

I am also wondering could it be at all possible if there is another baby in the womb. My belly is as huge as it was with the twins. But each time I have had an ultrasound, we just see one baby. I would not be mad if I had twins again, I just want to be as prepared as I can. I am not a big fan of surprises.

I had several weeks of all day sickness. Morning sickness is a misnomer for me folks. In recent weeks, I have started to feel a lot better and the energy level is coming back.

Inhale… Exhale.

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