*Note: This entry was written during training on Tuesday, January 18, so I could stay awake :shh:

I’m in training at work for a couple of weeks, which is just fine in my book because I actually get off from work at a reasonable time with daylight out * gasp. * When I normally get off from work, it feels so late and this usually sets the somber mood for my evening. I feel so tired and drained, dreading any household chores. The feeling is quite the opposite when I’m off from work around four pm-ish.

Before the twins were born I would even have time to come home and take a two to three hour nap. I call my three hour naps – power naps. I (used to) feel like a new person after a power nap. Unfortunately, I don’t know what a power nap feels like anymore. So now, when I’m fortunate to get off early I take advantage of this time in other ways. I may do a couple of chores around the house such as loading/preparing the dishwasher with dishes and baby bottles, making the bed, loading a load or two of dirty clothes and gathering the trash.

Other than that, what I’m really focused on is relaxing and getting some me time. I don’t have much me time these days and as much as I love my twins, I do miss my me time. Finding a way to incorporate me time into a tightly sealed schedule has been a difficult part of my healing process. Don’t get me wrong… I can love up William and Keisha all day everyday. Just ask JT LOL. But at the end of the workday or the evening at home, I need my own personal downtime. Downtime can be implemented several ways such as cuddling up with JT, hot showers/baths, writing, reading, watching tv and/or browsing a select few websites. Downtime is important and I’m sure every mom and dad in the world can relate to this.

*Oops, I just hit publish on this entry before I was finished.

Anyway…

I’m still having several moments where I get sad for no obvious reason. JT suggested that I start a journal of what I am experiencing the moment my sadness begins. This is a great suggestion. But the hard parts are: to remember to write them down and to remember to carry the journal around so that I can write it down. The key is that I only have ten percent of my brain cells left folks. At conception, forty five percent went to William and forty five percent went to Keisha. Now Mama is working on the little dummy brain cells that were sitting idle for the first twenty six years of my life. With my decrease in total amount of brain cells and cell activity, came a terrible dose of memory loss. I find extremely difficult to remember a lot of things, especially appointments.

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