Some days like today… I really want to get Far Away. Figuratively and Literally.
I love this song and these lines represent my life so much it is not even funny:
I wanna do the things we used to do.
Say the things we used to say.
Just like everyday, all day….
I don’t wanna forget all the love we captured the day we met.
We both keep saying that we wish that we could go back to those days when we played with each other just because. The days when we stayed up all night having a philosophical discussion or bummed around all day playing Zelda, only getting up to eat and go to the bathroom. Where did those days go? They nearly seem like a fading shadow in the field. You know I do not have a good memory anyway so I am trying to hold on to whatever I can.
On days like today, I sit in the rocking chair in my children’s room (by the way, why are they still cleaning up… it has been an hour!) and I listen to one of my favorite songs by Kindred the Family Soul. After listening to it about five times, watching the video two times and writing some of my thoughts… I am feeling a lot more calm than I was an hour ago. Breathe in Breathe out.
Do you ever go into a situation where you know up front that you should not be doing what you are about to do? Something is on your mind, you are not dwelling on it but nevertheless it is on your mind. You think about not saying anything about it but you go [...]
1. Do you believe in marriage?
Yes, I currently believe in marriage. I went through a long stage in my life (about ten years from age 14 - 24) where I did not believe in marriage. Thanks goes out to my father for that.
2. What is marriage to you?
Marriage is when two souls unite to make [...]
My morning did not start off so well and I let that mess up most of my day. The Bose alarm clock is set for 4:45 a.m., but I rarely hear it go off. JT is in charge of the alarm, unless I set it for myself. JT will usually turn the radio off shortly after the alarm (music) comes on. I hate the buzzer alarm because it scares me to death, so we wake up to the music instead. On a morning when we do not oversleep, JT will wake up about 20 minutes later. He then tells me it is time to get up.
Over the last year or so, I thought we had come to an understanding that unless it is absolutely necessary, I am not going to get up immediately after he tells me. I guess I was wrong with my assumption. I really hate getting up in a rush. When that happens, I usually get a headache from jumping out of my skin and I did not have an opportunity to get my thoughts together.
I did not argue with JT but deep down I believe that a part of me wanted to. I tried to explain that I just needed a few more minutes, but I got zero sympathy. None. Zilch. Nada. So, I got my pissed off ass out of bed, went into my bathroom, kept the light off, turned the space heater on, locked the door, laid a towel on the floor, put my robe on and laid on the floor for about fifteen minutes.
Then JT went to grab the kids and the next thing I know, I hear William and Keisha knocking on my bathroom door.
For about four years, I have been an extreme pessimist when it comes to making New Year Resolutions. I decided to only set personal goals for myself instead of resolutions. Some goals are short-term (days, weeks and months) and others are long-term (months and years).
I will not make any New Years Resolutions for 2008 nor any other year.
Last years resolution was to go to the gym regularly and lose weight. I failed miserably and felt really bad about it. No more.
Now, I figure that if it happens, it will happen when I am ready for it to happen. Just like the new job. Previous years, I did a whole lot of talking about getting a new job, but no action. In July, I became determined and focused to search for a new job. My current (and soon to be ex-job on January 4, 2008) position is hell. I put a lot of hours into working on my KSAs (Knowledge, Skills and Abilities for the resume impaired) for a new position. I wanted to make sure that another agency would look at my paperwork and say, damn this is good. I want her on our team.
I do not know why, but for some reason when people find out that you got a new job, a common question is: How did you get that job? Or how did you do it? When you first hear that question, you just want to give that person a blank stare, what do you mean exactly? I am not quite sure of what they want to hear. That I slept with the manager and got an interview the next day? I stole your friend’s resume and put my name on it? Well no, I did not do that.
Do you ever feel like you are living an episode of the Twilight Zone?
Work was tolerable. I am still in training, so that is by default better than the normal daily duties. On the other hand, training itself was completely exhausting today. I struggled staying focus this afternoon. No word on if eating left over Red Lobster during lunch factored in on my ability to stay focused.
This evening was crazy. I feel like I was the only sane one of the bunch… meanwhile JT, William and Keisha were acting like very weird. More weird than normal.
After it was all said and done, I was able to find out the cause of what brought me into the Zone. Be that as it may, only time will tell if there is resolution.
In other news, I hear that the Administration (code for Bush) will let us off on Christmas Eve. Political move or not, I am thankful for this decision. Since I am in training, I do not have access to my work email, so I did not see the actual memorandum. I picked up the information from a reliable source though, so I feel pretty confident that this is true.
Local meteorologists predicted bad weather heading our way. Does not appear that enough will come tonight to be called off from work tomorrow. Ugh.
Last but not least, JT told me that one of his cousins and her boyfriend were in an accident today. A truck hit them. All I know is that she (cousin) is not hurt, but her boyfriend was seriously injured. I do not know if he is critical or stable condition. I also know that her baby was not in the car. Thank goodness for that. I do not know any other details. My thoughts and prayers are with them.
Do you ever have so much going on in your personal and work life that when you sit down and try to blog… nothing clearly comes to mind?
My thoughts have been a bit cluttered over the last week.
Crap at work. There is nothing really knew in itself about that, but it continues to bother me. I have made a decision to stick things out the term is up next fall or I move on to better things. If I resign now then there is no positive outcome from this. Not resign from my job, but resign from my other elected duties.
Stuff at home. Working on better communication has been an on-going effort for a large part of our relationship. I definitely think things are better for us now, than this time 3 years ago… and even a year and a half ago. Still feels like an uphill journey… a journey that I am willing to continue.
Finances. Well, shit not much to say there. I believe that JT and I have the same long-term goals. Just a struggle getting there. The holiday season brings us all together, but definitely puts a strain on the wallets. We need to continue to cutback on unnecessary expenses. For example, JT mentioned us considering Vonage where the plan is $24.95 a month. Sounds fine and dandy until I need to figure out what to do with our existing Charter plan which includes not only phone, but also internet and cable television. Perhaps Charter has a reasonable plan with only cable television and high-speed internet.
Me. I am a complicated individual. JT told me the other day that my goal is to not be understood. I really do not agree, but it did make me sit back and ponder about why he feels that way. I have not come to any conclusions.
Well, I started this post being a little speechless, but it turned out that I had more to say than I thought.
No I have not, but there are a lot of bloggers that I would love to meet.
2. Did you ever play an innocent game of “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours”? How old where you?
The closest version to this game that I played was when I was 18 years old. We played a game of strip poker.
3. When did you get your first not so innocent kiss?
I was once a shy girl… I did not have a not so innocent kiss until I was 16 years old.
4. Have you ever awoke with someone who’s name you did not remember?
Thankfully, I can say no to this one.
5. Have you ever let someone else wash you while you were perfectly capable of doing it yourself?
Yes, when I was 8 years old I got chickenpox. I was very ill and could not care for myself. My mom took care of me. I love you Mama.
Bonus: What makes a great first date for you?
Romance. I want to be wined and dined. You do not have to spend a lot of money on me but you also cannot just take me to Applebee’s. Dinner in a nice restaurant and a movie is a great first date.
William and Keisha’s aunt Tee Tee (JT’s sister) picked them up from day care this afternoon to spend time with them. What’s funny? Well, that I complain about not having enough time to myself… almost always preoccupied with the twins, yet when someone does pick them up and give me some quality time for just me or JT and I… I sit around looking silly, wondering when are my children coming home.
*Stares at the clock*
Five minutes later…
I wonder when my children will be home. I miss them.
I started chatting online in the mid-1990s while at Mizzou on some network that I cannot recall the name of. Then I later began to use America Online while in college at Washington University in St. Louis, to hang out in chat rooms about a variety of topics such as teens, wrestling, music, etc. Times have really changed for myself from those days.
I would say that I have grown out the chatting scene, but the popularity of social sites with free dating and free live chat remain high.
