A Newborn’s Conversation With God:

A baby asked God, “They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?”

God said, “Your angel will be waiting for you and will take care of you.”

The child further inquired, “But tell me, here in heaven I don’t have to do anything but sing and smile and to be happy”

God said, “Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you. And you will feel your angel’s love and be very happy.”

Again the child asked, “And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me if I don’t know the language?”

God said, “Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak.”

“And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?”

God said, “Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray.”

“Who will protect me?”

God said, “Your angel will defend you even if it means risking its life.”

“But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore.”

God said, “Your angel will always talk to you about Me and will teach you the way to come back to Me, even though I will always be next to you.”

At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from Earth could be heard and the child hurriedly asked, “God, if I am to leave now, please tell me my angel’s name.”

God said, You will simply call her, “Mom.”

Technorati Tags: baby, children, family, God, life, love

William and Keisha were very excited to see that Santa ate the brownies that I made him last night.  He also drank a glass of milk and left the evidence on the children’s red table.  Alexander gave us lots of smiles as he watched his big brother and sister open their presents.

This holiday season has been very difficult for me.  I have been a complete Mrs. Scrooge and I really did not want to have any involvement with decorations and gifts.  I am not fully myself yet, but thanks to my husband and children, I am not feeling like Mrs. Scrooge anymore. The tree is up and the kids are happy.  More importantly, I thank God for waking me up another day to be with my family, our good health, providing a roof over my head… and even though I have mixed feelings about returning to work on Monday, I thank God for the job that I have because many in the world do not have that.

Happy Holidays to all. I wish you a Merry Christmas.  Be safe and thankful for what you have and not what you do not have.

Technorati Tags: Alexander, celebrate, children, Christmas, family, holiday, home, Keisha, life, love, personal, Santa Claus, twins, William

Along with their kindergarten class, William and Keisha narrated and acted out the birth of Jesus. JT even participated by supplying the hay for the scene which came from our front yard. Our pine tree sheds hay (which I hate because it covers everything).

I videotaped the beginning then I promptly handed the video camera to JT so he could stand closer and get a better shot. I would not be able to stand so long without being in pain so I held baby Alex. And speaking of the video camera… I spent several hours this afternoon looking for my digital video camera. I literally tore apart my bedroom, throwing clothes and other objects every which way. Then I find out that my camera was in the trunk of my car all this time. I am quite thankful that the lens did not crack (or worse) because of the cold weather.

William was a bit shy on stage (he later admitted so also) but despite this, him and Keisha did a great job and I am quite proud of my wonderful twins. For still shots, I only had my Sony Cybershot with me. Unfortunately, those still shots did not turn out well because our seats were a bit far back. On the other hand, I did get a couple of nice shots of my family after the program, including of JT, Keisha and Alexander. I am anxious to print this picture out and perhaps even hang it in the living room.

So overall, I enjoyed the evening and I am thankful that I was able to go.

Question that I am wondering about… Do most schools do Christmas or Holiday themed Programs? I really do not remember performing in one while I was in kindergarten.

Technorati Tags: camera, Christmas, education, family, fun, holiday, Keisha, program, school, video camera, William

Respect and Protect.

Technorati Tags: AIDS, education, health, HIV, life, medical, national, news, world, World AIDS Day

Give copy to each guest that enters your home.

1. Don’t get in line asking questions about the food. “Who made the potato salad? Is it egg in there? Are the greens fresh? Is the meat in the greens turkey or pork? Who made the macaroni and cheese? What kind of pie is that? Who made it?  Ask one more question and I will punch you in your mouth, knocking out all your fronts so you won’t be able to eat anything.

2. If you can’t walk or are missing any limbs, sit your azz down until someone makes your plate for you. Dinner time is not the time for you to be independent. Nibble on them damn pecans and walnuts to hold you over until someone makes you a plate.

3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, I will escort the little moochers to the basement and bring their food down to them. They are not gonna tear my damn house up this year. Tell them that they are not allowed upstairs until it’s time for Uncle Butchie to start telling family stories about their mommas and papas. If they come upstairs for any reason except for that they are bleeding to death, I will break a foot off in their azzez!

4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner! JUST ONE! We do not care that you are thankful that your 13 year old daughter gave birth to a healthy baby or your nephew just got out of jail. Save that talk for somebody who gives a damn. The time limit for the prayer is one minute. If you are still talking after that one minute is up, you will feel something hard come across your lips and they will be swollen for approximately 20 minutes.

5. Finish everything on your plate before you go up for seconds! If you don’t, you will be cursed out and asked to stay your greedy azz home next year!

6. BRING YOUR OWN TUPPERWARE!! Don’t let me catch you fixing yourself a plate in my good Tupperware knowing damn well that I will never see it again! Furthermore, if you didn’t bring anything over, don’t let me catch you making a plate period or there will be a “misunderstanding”.

7. What you came with is what you should leave with!! Do not leave my house with anything that doesn’t belong to you. EVERYBODY WILL BE SUBJECTED TO A BODY SEARCH COMING IN AND LEAVING MY PROPERTY!!!

8. Do not leave your kids so you can go hopping from house to house. This is NOT a DAYCARE CENTER ! There will be a kid-parent roll call every ten minutes. Any parent that is not present at the time of roll call, your child will be put outside until you come and get him or her. After 24 hours, I will call DSS on your ignorant azz!!

9. BOOK YOUR HOTEL ROOM BEFORE YOU COME INTO TOWN!! There will be no sleeping over at my house! You are to come and eat dinner and take your azz home or to your hotel room. EVERYBODY GETS THE HELL OUT AT 11:00 pm. You will get a 15 minute warning bell ring.

10. Last but not least! ONE PLATE PER PERSON!!! This is not a soup kitchen. I am not trying to feed your family until Christmas dinner! You will be supervised when you fix your plate. Anything over the appropriate amount will be charged to you before you leave. There will be a cash register at the door.

Found this from Brick at: http://www.thehaitianqueen.com/

Technorati Tags: family, food, fun, holiday, joke, life, Thanksgiving

Finally, my husband told me to get my ass in the bed.  He didn’t say it in a mean way but he it was stern.  I chuckled a bit on the inside then jumped in the bed.  It took me a long while to go to sleep because I kept praying that everything would go well with the surgery.  I don’t think that I had been this scared about anything in a very long time.

The next morning, I was a completely different person.  I was not worried anymore about the surgery.  I knew that everything would be okay because I left it in the hands of God.  JT took the twins to school early that morning.  I didn’t want them at the hospital with us because they would do nothing but worry about me and cry when they would see me after surgery.  I thought to myself that I had put them through enough as of late.  Also, hospitals are recommending for children to not visit hospitals due to the flu season unless they absolutely have to.

We left the house to go to the hospital late… and yes this was my fault.  I should have woken up a little bit earlier.  Then when we got on 270 North, the traffic was horrible, due to the rain.  I tried to stay calm and not worry about being late to the hospital.  I could tell that JT was panicking (on the inside).  The hospital wanted us there at 7:30 and we arrived at 8:00.  Not that bad right?

Despite being late, registration and preparation for surgery still went well.  After registration, my mom arrived at the hospital and joined me in the waiting room.  I was very happy to see her and appreciated the support.  My BFF arrived shortly after my surgery began.  And of course my husband was there too.  My aunt stayed at my house this week to take care of baby Alexander.  What would I do without my family and friends?

The drug they gave me right before surgery was amazing.  I remember the nurse injecting it into the IV, I said I love you to JT, gave him a kiss, the nurse pulled back the curtain to roll me out and BAM… that is all I remember until I woke up in the recovery room.

The recovery room was like an assembly line in hell.  I struggled to see things clearly and I eventually found a clock to see that it was 12:00.  I later found out that surgery lasted about 1.5 hours so  I was in recovery for about 1.5 hours before I woke up.  The nurse was a complete bitch to me in recovery.  I was experiencing pains that I have never experienced before.  Muscle spasms fiercely shot down my abdomen and I cried out for help.  The nurse says, “Your having muscle spasms because you just had surgery.  You’re going to have to be quiet because other people are in here recovering too.”

A couple of minutes passed, then the nurse checked on other patients then came back to me.  She injected pain medicine into my IV.  A minute or so later… more spasms.  I scream.  Nurse says, “I just gave you pain medicine 2 minutes ago. I can’t keep giving it to you closely together.”  I later asked the nurse when I could see my husband and mom.  She responds, “Do you see any other family members back here?  Families cannot come back here in recovery.  You’ll see them later.”

This went on and on for a long time.  Eventually, I received enough pain medication to start dosing off a little bit.  I woke up at about 1:30 and a couple of nurses were taking me to my room.  I was so thankful to be leaving the assembly line of hell.

I had some very bad experiences with not only this nurse but also later when I arrived in my room.  I reported the experiences to a head nurse and shortly after that, everyone started responding to my calls quicker and speaking to me in a positive tone.

I’m truly disappointing with the care from the nurses.  When I gave birth to Alexander at the same hospital, the nurses took great care of me.  This time around, everything went wrong.  Some nurses are really in the wrong field and suck at being compassionate.  Despite this, I am thankful for the charge nurse for listening to my concerns and my two doctors for taking great care of me.

Initially, the plan was to go home the day after surgery.  With my pain level being a 10 (on the scale of 1-10) all day Monday, I knew that this would not happen.  I ended up going home late Wednesday evening.

My incision is very long… it starts below my sternum and goes all the way down to my cesarean scar.  I did not measure this yet but I would guesstimate about 10 inches.  I have a bunch of staples and stitches going down the incision.  This afternoon, I went to the doctor and my surgeon removed my JP tubes and a few of the stitches and staples.  I will go back to the doctor next Wednesday to have the rest of the staples and stitches removed.

I’m taking vicodin and ibuprofen for the pain and this is helping a great deal. At this moment, my abdomen is a little tender though.  The numbness is there but this is normal.  The area below my chest still hurts where the JP tubes were removed.

The road to recovery has been challenging but thankfully I have a great deal of support. Without the support, I don’t think I could do this.  The vicodin is kicking in now… so I better put up the laptop.

Technorati Tags: abdomen, diastasis recti, doctor, family, friends, God, hernia, hospital, incision, love, medicine, nurses, prayer, recovery, Staples, stitches, surgeon, surgery, umbilicial hernia, vicodin

When I was younger, the only other soap I watched (with my aunt) was Young & the Restless. I watched the ABC soaps with my mom and after I finished homework. She recorded them daily with her VCR. I remember having to teach her how to set the timer *giggles*

During high school, as the devil took over Marlena, my best friend got me hooked on Days of Our Lives. I resisted at first because in St. Louis, Days of Our Lives comes on at the same time as General Hospital. So during that summer, I slowly converted over to a Days fan and (kind of) never looked back. I still watch Days of Our Lives now, but I keep up with General Hospital through commercials and talking with my mom. Amazing how much you can keep up with a show from a 45 second commercial. Sonny is still in the mob, Jason is covering up a murder… yeah.

Whenever I’m off from work, the crack calls me in. I watch the soaps non-stop. On the other hand, reality sets in when I am working. I had to stop taping the shows on the DVR because there was no way in hell I could work 8 hours, come home to do mother and wife duties, watch shows with my husband and still watch 3 hours (minus commercials) of soaps. Inconceivable! But I know some women do this… and I guess something gives in like less sleep and Facebook time *gasp*

I just have to vent about one particular soap opera character for a moment. Amanda on All My Children. She has absolutely lost her mind. And Jake really should just go ahead now to divorce her. Their relationship is going nowhere but downhill now. Only on a soap opera (and maybe Jerry Springer) would you see a woman sign a contract with a man to have his baby yet she is married to another man. And I was just too done with yesterday’s episode. You could see from the beginning that David is plotting and scheming for greater things than just having a baby by artificial insemination. He purposely forgets to fill the tank with gas, gets stuck in the middle of nowhere with Amanda on the way to the clinic then lures her to thinking they should sleep together in the car (or woods!) to get this over with. Amanda is actually considering this.

When I get all into the soaps like this, I know I’m crazy but I just can’t resist. It just be calling me man!

Technorati Tags: ABC, All My Children, CBS, crack, Days of Our Lives, entertainment, General Hospital, NBC, New Jack City, One Life to Live, Pookie, Ryan's Hope, soap opera, television, Young & the Restless

If I were not finished having children then I would only have the hernia surgery.  Otherwise I would risk the abdominal muscle splitting again with another pregnancy.  Well it did not take my husband and I long to decide that Alexander would be our last child.  Growing up, I always wanted 2 or 3 children and God has blessed me with 3.  I don’t think I was meant to bare more than 3 children.  In many ways this second pregnancy has been more difficult than when I carried twins.

So, yes… I decided to have both procedures done and thankfully they will be done at the same time.  I had Alexander by cesarean and as I recovered from this my hernia began to hurt again.  I refrained from lifting many things so I wouldn’t make the hernia worse.  As my six weeks approached, I quickly scheduled a date for surgery.  I had a consultation visit with my surgeon last Friday.  He marked up my abdomen with a Sharpie like a Nip Tuck episode.  When I came home, I had my husband take a picture so I could archive my before shot.  I’m too self-conscious about myself to post the picture.  Maybe I can be comfortable about this in the future, but not now.

I’m hoping for a few things out of this surgery.  Of course I’m looking for the obvious: removal of the hernia and a repaired rectus abdominis muscle.  I’m also hoping that I can be more comfortable with my body again.  For years, I thought that I had a pooch in my belly because I ate too much or I was too lazy with exercise.  This lowered my self-esteem and made me uncomfortable about myself in many ways.  I wear baggy clothes to had my stomach and I hate anything that shows too much skin (like a bathing suit).

Now I’m not saying that the surgery will solve everything because I’ve had some mental healing over the years too.  But the physical repair is a big piece of the puzzle.  I have a strong feeling that this will lead to some positive things for myself and in turn my relationship with my husband.

During the consultation last Friday, I discovered that the surgeon will make a vertical incision and after making the internal repairs, excess skin will be removed and I will no longer have my linea nigra as well as my belly button.  I tried to Google images of  a stomach with no belly button. I found one model that does not have one but I’m not quite sure that my abdomen will look like that.  When I told the twins that Mommy would no longer have a belly button, William gave me a worried look.  He later asked if it would grow back.  I calmly replied that it would not, but no worries… Mama will be just fine without a belly button.

I’m a little scared about the surgery sometimes.  I do wonder though if the fear is about the surgery itself or post surgery fear.  Could be a little of both.

Technorati Tags: abdomen, Alexander, appointment, baby, diastasis recti, doctor, emotions, family, health, hernia, hospital, Keisha, surgery, twins, umbilicial hernia, William

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I have not written on my blog in over 3 months and there are many reasons for that. I will not focus (too much) on excuses much but instead focus on writing regularly again.

I have been busy with the obvious… raising a newborn and healing mentally and physically myself.  I physically recovered well from my cesarean but I think where I messed up was having two teeth extracted nearly 3 weeks ago.  Mentally, I am still drained.  I had a great deal of pain from the teeth extraction and I am just now able to set the bottle of pain relievers aside.  I definitely should not have done this so close to having a baby.  And if that was not enough, I’m going to have hernia surgery this coming Monday.  I previously wrote about my umbilical hernia while I was pregnant.

Yes, I am definitely crazy.

Alexander has started to sleep all night long but unfortunately not every night.  During the day is when I really think I’m going to loose my mind as of late.  He has started to take little cat naps instead of a true nap (anything greater than 30-45 minutes).  Just when I think I have him asleep to go do important things like EAT, he wakes up.  “Nope Mama, I’m not sleep” and his eyes open wide as he looks at me for attention.  I’m nursing Alexander so I often wonder if his appetite is growing and causing him to be cranky and in turn not sleep long.  Then I dismiss this thought because his weight is just fine.  In fact, for his 1 month visit to the pediatrician, Alexander was at the 50th percentile for all stats: height, weight and head size.

I really should be sleeping at this moment because Alexander is sleep and I can’t count on him to sleep all night long.  On top of that, I took two benadryl because my throat started to feel scratchy and I need to immediately handle any possible cold or allergy symptoms.  I just had to get this post from my mind to the blog… and it feels good.  Good night.

Technorati Tags: Alexander, baby, doctor, family, health, hospital, life, love, newborn, parenting, personal, pregnancy