With having training beginning at 8am and ending 4:00pm-ish followed by a meeting at 7pm, you would think that today would have been exhausting. Well yeah, I’m tired now… but a good tired. I learned a great deal of vital information in training today. Usually trainings are boring and I spend more than eighty percent of the time sleeping, but today was different. I could have used a nap in between training and the meeting, but I handled myself well.

We had lunch at Houlihan’s… I had a Buffalo Heartland Chicken salad and a loaded baked potato. Of course the preparer screwed up and put bacon on the potato when I specifically said no bacon because I am allergic to pork. That never gets old with me, I get highly upset every time it happens and it happens all too frequently. How hard is it to remember no bacon? Anyway the meal was delicious once it was prepared to my liking. I had left over salad which, much to my dismay, I later left in H.’s car that evening.

After the meeting, I ate well again. Chicken quesadillas, cheese and crackers, honeydew and cantaloupe. H. dropped me off to an empty home. I immediately missed JT and the children. My mom is watching the twins while JT is at work and I had a late evening. As I lay here the sleepiness is settling in.

Read the rest of Long But Enlightening Day

I despise when a person asks someone a question and when that said person begins to respond, you interrupt them over and over again. You know what that shows? That shows that you really didn’t want to know that persons response to begin with. You already have a set idea in your head and you asking the question are merely other ways to stir up or continue the argument. Communication in any relationship is extremely important. Unless you are a hermit, you must communicate successfully in order to advance in life and achieve your goals.

One difficult part of this is learning to communicate with someone who doesn’t want to communicate. How exactly do you do that? In my old way of thinking, if you didn’t want to communicate, I would make a few attempts but after so long, I would just let you be. That guy that didn’t want to commit in college? Bye bye. Met you at the club, we hang out for a few months then out of nowhere you stop calling? Bye bye. Things are different now. I’m not that person anymore and the circumstances have changed.

If you consistently interrupt me, this makes me feel that you really don’t want to communicate. What I have to do is, not get caught up that person’s path of destructiveness. Unfortunately, I have found myself in this situation far too frequently. The best way that I have been able to overcome this scenario is by letting that person vent. Ultimately, that is what the person wants to do; create a monologue of why the person of pissed of. After the person is done venting then I express my point of view. This doesn’t always work, but this method has been most successful for me. This works better than yelling back, lying, speaking in a condescending tone or not saying anything at all.

This has been a long journey for me and quite a learning experience of how important communication is in all aspects of my life.

Read the rest of Another Communication Lesson For Me

The meeting today went better than I thought that it would. I appreciate the comments from JJ and Nik, showing their support. I was up most of the night doing my hair and despite the fact that I couldn’t straighten it quite the way I wanted, when I curled it this morning I was fairly pleased. I would go absolutely insane if I curled my hair every morning because it takes me at least an hour and forty-five mintues.

I had a whole lot to say but now I’m exhausted.

Read the rest of Not So Bad After All

Note. I’m having one of those moments. So beware, I may become repeatitive to the few and far between loyal readers of mine.

I lost my independence. I couldn’t tell you exactly when and where I lost it, but I know I don’t have it now. In recent years, I have become very dependent but even more so during the last twenty-two months; starting with the beginning of my pregnancy. I feel like… I shouldn’t feel bad for being so dependent, but I do. After my cesarian, I wanted to do it all myself, breastfeed the twins, change them in cloth diapers instead of disposable diapers, feed them every two to three hours as well as take care of myself…, but I couldn’t, at least I couldn’t without by myself (I know a few readers are probably thinking well you shouldn’t have to do it by yourself, right?)

I’m doing a lot better now than I was fifteen months ago. I don’t get as tired easily and frustrated with the daily childcare. On the other hand at moments like this, I feel like the same woman that laid in bed helpless after giving birth.

I really, really, really want to go to bed now, curl up in the fetal position and cry but I can’t.

Tomorrow is a very important day for me at my job.

Now I just don’t know if I can make it happen the way I wanted it to happen. Things could’ve been easier, but we know that Shaani likes the more difficult route. I rather sit and sulk by myself and… try… to make it happen than sit in a room with someone verbally then mentally placing blame. I can’t endure the negative tension. In this case I rather do it alone. Who knows if that is the right decision, but I know that it feels right.

I have about nine hours before I catch the bus and eleven before the meeting begins. Let’s see what happens.

Read the rest of Curl Up and Cry

Get your position here

I am currently ranked #4,748… help me move up my rank here so I can take over the world.

Read the rest of Order of Succession

After I wrote yesterday’s entry I calmed myself down and realized that I too, need to work on being more understanding. I called JT back and told him that we were going to see The Chronicles of Narnia even if we had to pay without the discount. The snow was coming down somewhat fast and it didn’t make sense to have JT pick up the twins then drive over to the theatre and buy the tickets in advance. I decided that ordering the tickets online at MovieWatchers.com was the best thing for us.

The weather was bone-chilling this morning, something like 5 degrees, but really anything below 30 degrees means that it is too damn cold to be outside. I made every attempt to get the children’s things together as well as myself so I could ride with JT to work but things didn’t turn out quite right. Around 7:30am, the children were dressed and ready but JT wasn’t so William Nathaniel, Keisha Nicole and I had to watch Arthur together. JT and the twins left home about 7:50am. Considering I had not yet picked out my clothes, neither bathed nor bought the movie tickets, I knew that I would not make the 7:58am bus. Another problem that I faced was that I had no clue where my MovieWatcher cards were. I looked everywhere; my Big Dog bag, purse and laptop purse but I couldn’t find them. I was certain that JT had the cards, so I called him a few minutes after 8:00am. I often place blame on JT when I just know that I didn’t lose or break the item in question. Don’t most relationships work like that?

Read the rest of The Plan Worked Anyway

My original plan for tomorrow was to finish up Christmas shopping. I requested the entire day off and much to my surprise; the powers that be approved the request. When I found out that the big meeting would be on the 12th, I then decided to take a half day off. Well, I’m still going to take the half day off, but now I have to take a trip to the female doctor in the afternoon. I’m not looking forward to that but the trip is a must. JT and I really wanted to see Narnia that evening, but factoring in the weather conditions and the timing of my appointment, I’m not sure that we will have time to buy the tickets in advance for tomorrow.

Add this to the list of pet peeves: I hate to be rushed off of the telephone. Okay, so I know that things come up and we sometimes have to get off the phone just like that… but what is wrong with sounding a little compassionate while you do it.

I talked to my brother, R. a moment ago and he went on and on about what presents to get Mama. I felt really bad because this year the funds really aren’t there for me. My brother listened, but how can he truly understand… he works two jobs but lives in a rent-free home with my mom. He is living the good life. I try to positively encourage him to save up money because he essentially has zero responsibilities. R. usually hangs up on me when he doesn’t want to hear something that I have to say.

Yesterday, H. asked me why I’m not married. This is a sensitive topic folks. Make note of that. I wasn’t angry with her for asking; she is as curious and nosey as I am, but still I hate that question. There is no one, easy answer. Every time someone asks it, I get tense and depressed. I simply answered, “I don’t want to talk about it.” I think that the answer surprised her because I’m usually a lot more open with information. I left it at that and S. later killed the awkward moment by changing the topic of discussion.

Read the rest of So Much For Planning

I am in pain but it feels like you didn’t hear me.

Where is the understanding?

The script is old.

The double-standards need to go.

Communication and understanding are the keys.

Read the rest of Did You Hear What I Said?

My best friend sent this to me in an email:

When I was little, I used to believe in the concept of one best friend,

and then I started to become a woman.

And then I found out that if you allow your heart

to open up, God would show you the best in many friends.

One friend is needed when you’re going through things with your man.

Another friend is needed when you’re going through things with your Mom.

Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.

One friend will say let’s pray together, another

let’s cry together, another let’s fight together, another let’s walk away together.

One friend will meet your spiritual need, another your shoe fetish, another

your love for movies, another will be with you in your season of confusion, another will be

your clarifier, another the wind beneath your wings.

But whatever their assignment in your life, on whatever the occasion, on whatever the day,

or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym

shoes on and hair pulled back, or to hold you back from

making a complete fool of yourself … those are your best friends.

It may all be wrapped up in one woman, but for many it’s wrapped up in several…

one from 7th grade, one from high school, several from the college years, a couple from old jobs,

several from temple or church, on some days your mother, on some

days your neighbor, on others your sisters, and on some days your daughters.

So whether they’ve been there 20 minutes or 20 years,

Pass this on to the queens that God has placed in your life to make a difference.

Read the rest of Queens in My Circle

I decided that Keisha Nicole needed another day of rest so JT stayed home with her today. She slept more than half of the day and didn’t eat many solids nor drink much fluid. On a positive note, she did go through a full twenty-four hours without another fever. We were thankful for that. I called home to check on my two loves throughout the day and from what JT described, Keisha Nicole really missed the company of her brother. Of course after arriving home, I made sure to love up the twins, a little bit more than normal. They both are still trying to get over their colds and we all know that babies and some adults…*cough can get needy when they are ill.

With children under age two, most over-the-counter medicines for colds are useless. But as a parent we still want to relieve the symptoms that are children have; sneezing, coughing, runny nose, etc. For mothers like myself who say that we just have to try out something we have Children’s Tylenol Cold and Sudafed. The Tylenol Cold actually seemed to help relieve William’s decongestion but not get rid of it totally. Inevitably the cold still has to run its course. The Sudafed has helped Keisha’s runny nose but not the cough. Bleh.

The twins will be fifteen months old next week so that means another wellness visit with their pediatrician. I also need to make a follow-up visit for William with his ENT. William snores extremely loud. One of his specialists thinks that it may be his adnoids. I just hope that it is something that can be fixed with as little pain as possible.

I found out via email that an important meeting is scheduled at work next Monday. I’m nervous but I think it will go well. I don’t think that everything will be resolved that day but I do think it will be quite a learning experience. Because of the powers that be, I cannot go into details and I don’t want to be a victim of those fired because of discussing work on her blog. Phooey.

Read the rest of Resting Time