I’m so confused. About life, about everything. Why do I feel the things I do? Why can’t I shut off my emotions like a faucet? Why do I feel like I’m not understood?

I hate not knowing the status of my job. I hate not having a job career that I’m excited to go to every morning. I hate it when we argue. I hate that he left us. I hate that he won’t go back to school and he treats me like a stranger. I hate that I’m almost as stubborn as she is. I hate that she won’t do what she HAS to do because I don’t want to lose her, especially now.

I hate that there are not enough hours in one day to take care of everything that I want to do.

I hate when people lie to me. No matter what.

I hate when people underestimate me.

I hate that I cry a lot.

I’m so confused.

Everything is hazy like a dream. Except I don’t want to live this dream. I want to look through the lens of my life, take a soft cloth, blow the dust off and focus things just a tad so I can clearly see reality.

I want to be able and talk to him without worrying how my words will effect us or him. I want to call him despite the past, and tell him that I miss him and somehow utter those invaluable three words. I want to develop a relationship with him and her before it’s too late.

Sometimes I feel like I ask for too much or not enough.. or shall I say I don’t do enough?

We’ll see. *shrugs*

Where is my Lisa Fischer CD at?

Why oh why did I just sit intently and watch one of the worst movies ever on Encore.

Bubble Boy. No, I’m not talking about the 1976 classic Boy in the Plastic Bubble starring John Travolta. I’m talking about this Bubble Boy. A parody of the 1976 made for TV movie? Perhaps. Either way I was hypnotized and forced to watch this piece of garbage. Let me add this to my list of worst movies ever with the number one being Killer Klowns From Outer Space. I laughed a few times, but once again I was under the influence of someone or something.

Yeah yeah yeah I saw Matrix Reloaded on opening day. Nothing to brag about. Special effects: nice but not jaw dropping spectacular like the first Matrix. Plot: confusing and choppy and the cliff-hanger ending was quite disappointing. Now don’t get me wrong I still liked the movie but the plot just didn’t flow nicely like I thought it should. Perhaps I would feel different if I didn’t know Matrix Revolutions was coming out this fall. I may have demanded my money back if that was the case. I hope Jada Pinkett has a bigger role in the next movie. Please oh please don’t make Trinity so weak in Revolutions. And by the way, JT and I think she is the ‘mother’ that the creator of the Matrix spoke of in the latter part of the film.

Quiz Time:

What Blaxploitation Film Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I’m Cleopatra Jones like Coco!

I’m going to start cloning my blog on my Live Journal site. Which reminds me that I need to update that layout :/

Yesterday was Tigger’s 4th birthday.

Me: “It’s a shame that my cat snores louder than me.”
Tiffany: “Yeh because he’s a fat ass.”
Me: “NOOOOOO.”
Tiffany: “Ok then, maybe he got asthma.”
Me: “Yeh, I need to get him an inhaler then.”
Tiffany: Or a breathe right strip.

More pictures 1 2 3

I love you Tigg Tigg :D

1. What drinking water do you prefer — tap, bottle, purifier, etc.?

Spring Bottled Water. I only drink tap if there is nothing else available. I never drink tap water from home though, it is disgusting. I wouldn’t mind having a purifier in the kitchen.

2. What are your favorite flavor of chips?

Big barbecue and cheddar, sour cream & onion and red hot ripplets. Favorite types: Funyuns, Ruffles, Lays and Doritos.

3. Of all the things you can cook, what dish do you like the most?

Fried Chicken.

4. How do you have your eggs?

Omelet like style with chopped green peppers, onions, tomatoes, cheese, milk (makes the eggs fluffy), sliced turkey or turkey sausage and a variety of spices.

5. Who was the last person who cooked you a meal? How did it turn out?

JT. The meal was superb!

Happy Belated Mother’s Day to all of the wonderful moms in the world.

Sunday evening, JT and I went over to my mom’s house, his mom’s house and his grandmother’s house. What a lovely day. Our mother’s loved their gifts too.

I am so disappointed with Shop N Save, the grocery store in front of my house. I bought some honey barbeque chicken today. It was looking quite finger looking good but when I got home, dug out my spork, reached over to grab a piece of chicken.. why oh why did the spork not even pierce the piece of chicken. That chicken was harder than Richard Simmons watching Richard Gere in Breathless. That grocery store is nothing but a big headache for me. The deli is not supposed to shut down the kitchen until 7pm, yet everyday when I go over there at 6:20pm Ms. Bitchy Ghettofabolous makes it known that “she ain’t cookin no mo chackin.” Yes, it is time for me to write to the corporate office. I’ll spend valuable time writing a letter of my complaint and I’ll end up getting a little bity five dollar gift certificate. Oh well, I think I talked myself out of that one.

Matrix Reloaded.. Yup I bought the tickets online Monday and I am so ecstatic that I could do the electric slide for ten hours straight. Opening day at 8:30pm CST, JT and I are going to be glued to the big screen. I’m sure that this sequel’s special effects will be better than the first, but will the movie be better over all? I’m not so sure about that. Is it possible that the special effects will be so off the hook that the plot will be as bland as some cafeteria food from high school? I hope, I pray not.

Speaking of sequels, a co-worker and I were talking about how often sequels aren’t better than the first movie.

Except for X2.. and tomorrow add Matrix Reloaded to that list.

Ok I’m nearly done with the new layout. Thanks Chris for the coding help and

href="http://www.sinlessfury.com/" target="new">Alpha for the advice.

I still have to bring the guestbook back up, I guess I’ll do that tomorrow. :)

1. Would you consider yourself an organized person? Why or why not?

Overall, if you saw my desk you would say I’m messy. I’m organized with some things. I’m working on that though *sigh*

2. Do you keep some type of planner, organizer, calendar, etc. with you, and do you use it regularly?

Yes, I use my Sony Clie PDA all the time!!

3. Would you say that your desk is organized right now?

Umm no. Far from it.

4. Do you alphabetize CDs, books, and DVDs, or does it not matter?

I alphabetize CDs and DVDs, but I need to rearrange them. *notes this in PDA on things to do*

5. What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to organize?

Over 5,000 baseball and basketball cards. Organized by team and alphabetized. I should dig those out of storage and see how much they are worth.

Tell me why there is more gossip in the work place than back in the day during middle school and high school? During school, at least you know who the cliques are, who you can and cannot trust. At work, everyone is out for themselves. You might have ONE or TWO associates but other than that you are on your own. I try not to say much, I just listen to all of the gossip. Hey I’m not going to even lie, that news is to my ears like chicken is to my belly. I just can’t pass up a free three piece and a biscuit. So I listen and listen and giggle when it calls for such and that’s about it.

I love my brother to death, but sometimes it feels like my Mama let’s him get away with anything.

Roth is six years younger than me and despite the somewhat large gap in age difference, there was enough sibling rivalry between us to urk me beyond belief from the time he turned two years old and up. It’s always ONE incident every so often that brings up old nasty feelings between Roth and I.

For example, this evening just now, I called Mama to tell her about my bowling adventure during the weekend. The phone rings and rings and rings. Voicemail.. I hear my voice (I recorded the voicemail greeting for my mother because she doesn’t do those things). Ok, it’s 9:30pm.. Mama better be home, especially since there is a nice storm outside. I really wasn’t mad that no one answered until I considered that Roth was on the phone and that ignorant bastard didn’t click over. He does this out of spite. I know this. If I call from another phone number that he doesn’t know, he will answer. So then I called Mama on her cell phone. She answers.

“Mama, are you sleep?”

“No.”

Still unconvinced because of the sleepy sound in her voice, I repeat, “Mama, are you SLEEP?”

“No.”

“Then why didn’t you answer the phone?”

“What? I didn’t hear the phone ring.”

My temperature begins to rise. “Is Roth on the phone?”

“I don’t know,” in the background she asks Roth if he was on the phone and I try, but cannot hear the reply.

“Is he on the phone?”

“Yes.”

Now, Mama knows that I’m not yelling AT her…”I TRIED TO CALL YOU AND ROTH WON’T CLICK OVER.”

“….”

“Mama?”

“What?”

“I TRIED TO CALL YOU AND ROTH WON’T CLICK OVER.”

“Well, what you want me to do?”

“MAMA, he always does this. Every time I call and he is on the phone he doesn’t click over when I call. I wanted to talk to you.”

Then Mama gives me that well-aren’t-you-talking-to-me-now tone.

X2 was the best sequel ever.

It will remain the best sequel ever until Thursday, May 15 when the highly anticipated sequel, Matrix Reloaded premieres.

I took a three and a half hour nap earlier in the day so I wouldn’t be tired during the latest showing of the movie.

The special effects were spectacular and the plot wasn’t all that bad either. I didn’t even think about nodding off during any part of the movie.

I won’t spoil the entire movie.. but if you haven’t seen it yet, do not read the following sentence:

Nightcrawler’s assassination of the President attempt was the BEST scene. And might I add this question; can Rebecca Romijn-Stamos be any more hot in that blue paint suit for her character, Mystique? Didn’t think so… Mmmkay